Thursday, July 3, 2008

Appu learns his A, B, C

Appu has more pictures than memories of his days as a batta at Mrs Goonewardena's Montessori on Bullers Road. Ah those dreamy black and white days of blue drill shorts and brown Ford school (suit?) cases. Appu has long since learned his alphabet, and a bit more, but he would have certainly gone straight into therapy if he had been taught his A, B, Cs like this:

NEW Sri Lankan alphabet

A is for Abductions that take place daily, usually blamed on aliens.

B is for Benz Bikkus who live in the lap of luxury.

C is for Censorship of TV programmes showing scenes of alcohol and tobacco.

D is for Doctor Delipihiya, patron saint of murder and mayhem.

E is for Elections which are neither free nor fair.

F is for Freedom of abduction, harassment and imprisonment under the Prevention of Terrorism Act.

G is for Gullible majority who have been hoodwinked since 1948.

H is for Human rights abuses that occur 365 days of the year.

I is for Independence also known as the '60 Year Curse'. (We were better off under the British and that says a lot!)

J is for Jayasuriya, who will probably play until the 2043 World Cup or until he gets his EPF?

K is for Kassipu. (A bottle a day keeps the liver awake.)

L is for Lies, damned lies and statistics that the government media saturates us with each day.

M is for Mahinda chinthanaya. (Who needs the Bible, Koran and Tripitaka when we have the 'chinthanaya.'

N is for Nepotism or favoritism to relatives. (Also check R)

O is for the 17 Patriotic Opposition MPs who crossed over to the government to save the country.

P is for Pillayan, who became Chief Minister of the East using the 'Bullet' to get the 'Ballot.'

Q is for Question mark? When will the war end? When pigs fly or when hell freezes over?

R is for Rajapaksa poshanaya of Mahinda, Basil, Goatabaya and Chamal.

T is for Terrorism. Both the LTTE kind and the State sponsored kind.

U is for Underestimate. What the Government always does of the LTTE.

V is for Velupillai Prabahakaran who is very much alive and kicking.

W is for Wickramasinghe (Ranil), also fondly known as the Permanent Leader of the Opposition.

X is for Xenophobia or the island mentality. The dislike of all things foreign.

Y is for Yearning for yesterday. The national pastime of living in the past.

Z is for Zero casualties for the armed forces and 5,00,000 killed for the LTTE.

Haiyahhhh... Appu suspects that our glorious leaders might force us all to stick to the vernacular from this point onwards as the proverbial kaduwa is proving to be deadly! To continue to allow the spread of the Queen's english will only be asking for more...

No comments: